Darkness Into the Light

By Bryceson Kahrl  |   From : Houston, Texas  |   School : Everglades High School

My name is Bryceson Kahrl, I am 17 years old and I am a sophomore in Everglades highschool. I was born in Houston Texas and don’t remember that much. After I was born, we immediately moved to Michigan. Once in Michigan, my family was poor and barely had enough money to get through. My dad worked many hours, while my mom took care of me and my older brother. Some of the things that happened in Michigan is that my mom got pregnant and had my sister Julianna. We stayed in Michigan until I turned 8 or 9 years old, when I found out that I was moving to a different country outside the states for a job my dad was offered with a good salary. I did not take it well. I complained about it knowing that I might never see my friends and many other things I will never get to experience in the United states. As we moved there I remember unpacking and how I had to live in a small apartment that barely fit the five of us. The street we lived in was next to a prison where many people could not visit any of the prisoners, so many people would be outside yelling. Trying to talk to the prisoners. It was very scary, and not knowing the language did not help at all. My sister got to go to school while my brother and I had to stay at home and get homeschooled. My mom was a good teacher, but it took a critical hit on my social skills, and made me into an introvert. I didn’t have many friends when I was growing up in Hungary. I do remember riding my bike a lot, learning about the culture, and going onto my ipad and watching Youtube. I never liked when my parents used their own money on me, because I hated getting open hands, and wanted to work hard for something that I wanted. When I turned 11 my parents decided to move to Brazil since we started to grow up and the house barely held all of us. My parents decided to move into a mansion. I was so shocked. We had an indoor pool, sana and our own rooms. Not only that but I was about to start school! This was so exciting, I was finally about to go back to a school and talk to people, but that excitement died once I got into that school. This is where the darkness began. When I got to the school I didn’t know how to react to people I hadn’t had anyone to talk to in 2 and a half years in my life, other than my family. When I got into school, I didn’t have a fun time. I sometimes felt left out a lot, and back then I had bad anxiety and I didn’t know how to react to many people. When I was homeschooled it was very easy, all I had to do was listen to my mom teach me, and I would do the work. I used to procrastinate a lot, so my mom allowed me to do any subject I felt like doing, but in school I found out you can’t choose what subject you wanted to do. I sometimes felt burnt out by it and it made me feel homesick and wanting to go back to homeschool. Not only that, but they didn’t think that I was learning the criteria fast enough so they decided to hold me back a grade instead of letting me pass. I became very depressed and fell into a state of darkness of not caring for my well being. I sometimes remembering not eating, because I felt guilty, stupid, and ugly. Not only was I dealing with this, but I was dealing with puberty and I had horrible acne and I felt very insecure about myself. I started to hate myself and thoughts of suicide just ran through my head on a day to day basis for three to four years. Luckily I am glad I kept telling myself that I was going to make it. The only reason why I never attempted was because of my family and how heartbroken they would be if they found out what I did to myself. We stayed in that school for 8 months, before my dad had another decision to move to china or quit his job and go back to the states, and find another job. Thank the lord my mom convinced him to move us to the United states. I felt a tad bit better and it kinda made me happy for a while. When we moved to Florida, I still struggled with my social skills and didn’t have a lot of friends, but I made a connection and still have with him to this day. He has done so much for me when I was going through depression. When I stayed in Florida I was still the quiet kid who failed a grade and I still had that guilt of failing. Many people tried to talk to me, but I wasn’t in the right mindset and I got bullied for having acne and not being social. I had a sense that I was an easy target, but I didn’t care. The only person I really do remember trying his best to talk to me was a kid who was a loner as well. He taught me so much about life and how life doesn’t need to be looked at one sided. One day I was minding my own business during lunch and I saw him get jumped by two kids. I ran in there and fought them off to get off my friend, my only friend in that school. When they ran off my friend laughed at me and called me an idiot for jumping in to save him. He made me chuckle at that and for once actually felt like I had a connection with someone. We became close that day and during my 5-6th grade year got into as much trouble as we could, because he made me happy and I didn’t see myself graduating highschool. He became one of the first people to bring me to the light. Then I found out that my dad needed to move to Michigan for his job. I felt like I was never going to catch a break moving. Finding out about this made me feel like the only person alone in the world. I actually found an actual connection with which I was forced to leave that behind. When I told him I was moving he promised to stay in touch with me, and he has. That made me happy.  When I moved to Michigan I didn’t think that I was going to find a friend like my best friend in FL, but someone proved me wrong for a while his name was Noah Carter. For us we both connected, because well we didn’t get along with other people and we’re the quiet kids. When I found out that Noah moved to many schools like me I started to ask him where he had gone and after that we hit it off and we became buddies for a year. Then some drama hit and he turned out to be using me. I felt betrayed beyond recognition. It messed me up, because how our friendship felt was real and never fake but it wasn’t. After that I started to hate everything and everyone. I didn’t care about what would happen to me. I felt like I had nothing to lose and I really didn’t. I used to get into many fights. I didn’t care who was right or wrong I just jumped in and ended it. I did that for about a year and a half until I met a teacher who actually cared for me and wanted me to take school more seriously. Mr. Wise gained my respect when he gave me life lessons. He taught me many skills like time management, smart goals, and meaning for life. I started to stop throwing myself into senseless fights and started to get my act together. I started to pull up my grades. Then I found out I was moving to Florida. I was excited. I was about to head back and maybe get to see my friend and this is pretty much where we are. I have been learning to build confidence from JROTC, LIA and working out. I started to put in hard work for school and made some goals for myself to complete. This is where I am right now.

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