I Learn Library

A human library inspired by the stories in the film

I Can’t Love Myself

By Saira Soto  |   From : San Fernando  |   School : Social Justice Humanitas Academy

My name is Saira Soto and this is my story of my low self-esteem. It began in middle school. I started to think I wasn’t good enough. I would see the other girls around me and see how beautiful they would look. Perfect bodies, a pretty face, just everything. I wanted to be like them. Life went on and I felt the same. But once I went to high school, it got worse. Before going to high school, sixth grade was not my best year. I moved to four schools. The last school I went in sixth grade was San Fernando Middle School. I became friends with girls and it was new because I used to have guy friends. It was going well in the beginning but then it became worse. They talked behind my back, barley even talked to me, kept secrets, they hurt me and that made me feel bad about myself.

In the middle school I stayed for the rest of 7th and 8th grade, my friends were boys and one of them would say things about me but I would just forget about it, thinking he was kidding. But at times I would think he’s not kidding and I let those thoughts roam around in my head, making me overthink, and I slowly started to believe. So that made me slowly hate myself even more.

Then high school came. I was still friends with my guy friend from middle school. He became friends with the wrong people. They hated me so they made me feel  the worst. They called me names that made me cry. They made me believe that I was ugly. This made me want to hurt myself, or even kill myself. I think of those thoughts and it makes me feel down and makes me ignore the people I love, overthink and close myself in class.

Being a girl is hard because of all the ways we are treated, called names, being ashamed of. People around us want us a way or else we don’t have no one. We are treated like if we are a bird trapped in a cage, no way out of it.  Us girls are trapped in this world filled with negativity. The world is trying to change ourselves just so we fit in, making us someone who we really aren’t. Right now I’m learning how to love myself, but I still can’t love myself. Yea it’s hard and it’s not ok to hate who you are because we are perfect just the way we are, we are unique. We don’t need no one to tell us how we have to dress or look or be but ourselves because what we want is what really matters. There are many options and ways to help you learn to love yourself and you’ve just got to go through the right path and find those options. It’s going to be hard but if you stay strong and surround yourself with good people who will support you and love you for who you are, talk about your thoughts and feelings and feel that heavy weight being lifted off your shoulders, your self-esteem will boost.  Even though it’s a long process, you will reach it if you take the right steps. You’ve just got to love yourself. Your perfect just the way you are.


The Monster

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