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I Learn Library

A human library inspired by the stories in the film

I’m not gonna give up

By Yesica  |   From : Guatemala  |   School : Maryland

“I’ve went through a lot and I know that there is much more to come. I’m not gonna give up. I now know that what didn’t killed me will make me stronger”

At the end of 7th grade, my family and I had to move to a new home. We lived in Laurel, Maryland. Since we moved I had to attend to a new school, which idea I hated. Since the school year was almost over, they putted me in one of the lowest classes, where only trouble makers and people who did not liked to do their work attend. My English was not strong enough yet, so it was difficult for me to get into a conversation with others. Even though I did not know the language very well, I was always doing my work and behaving good. One of the teachers that I had during that year, told me that I should be put in a better class the next coming year, because I was a good student and I deserved to be in a better class.
Starting of the 8th grade I was put in a higher level class with students smarter and with almost perfect English than me. Since my English was still not good enough I was the lowest one in the class because our work was much harder I believe and it was more difficult for me dealing with new words and all that. Some students and even a teacher every time I couldn’t pronounce something right or when I couldn’t explain something good they made fun of me. In that school I only had one friend, and I was always talking to my friend in Spanish our classmates and that teacher were always picking on us because we talked in Spanish they thought that we were talking about them. Every time I got up and asked for something from my friend he would always say that I was doing something sneaky. It became so frustrating that sometimes I would tell my parents that I was sick just to miss school because it got to a point that I hated to go to school. I got sick of it.
One day I did not went to school and my mom found out and she started screaming at me, I stayed quiet and cried and cried. As soon I saw that everyone was sleeping I started to take some pills and mixed them with alcohol and even cut myself. I stopped counting the pills at about 80 pills and I fell asleep not knowing if I was going to wake up the next day or stay asleep forever. The next morning I woke up and went straight to my tia’s room and told her what had happened, I told my tia(aunt) because I was more comfortable talking to her than talking to my mother. She immediately went and told my mother, my mom started screaming at me but I wasn’t even paying attention because I felt dizzy, after that I kept throwing up and throwing up. My mom said that they were going to take me to a hospital , which is about an hour from here, on the way to the hospital I couldn’t see really, like my sight was not working as usual. I spent one week there in that hospital, psychologists used to visit me almost everyday when I was there and the doctor decided that I should be transferred to a psychiatric institute.
I spent one week in the institute, I cried every night before I fell asleep because I wanted to go home already and I didn’t want to spend Thanksgiving day there. My parents went to visit me only one time. I got out of the institute on Thanksgiving day. When I got out of there, I went right back to the same school. The bullying kept going at school. But I guess I learned my lesson to ignore people like them, because there will always be people that will want to put you down just because they think that they are better than you. When the school was almost over I heard about a new high school that was for students that were not as much fluent in English and didn’t think twice to apply for it. At this point of time I had made some new good friends.
I started the 9th grade at my new school with my little crew it was 7 of us, we are now only 5. My new High School is a school that provides a lot of opportunities to students it is safe place where people don’t have to feel afraid of who they are, what language they speak, where they come from, and what they want to be.

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