Sorry

My name is Valerie, I’m 15 years old, and I was born in El Salvador on August 19th, 2008.

My life at first was pretty good. Initially, my family was a family of three, and I had a pretty good childhood. Most of it I spent with my dad, so the relationship between us is pretty close. On the other hand, with my mom, it is not that close. She used to work all day and came home around 10 pm, when I was already asleep. But when she had time, she was really sweet. I have a little sister who was born on April 15th, 2014. I was 6 years old when she was born. I remember it was a big surprise when they told me I was going to have a little sister. I was excited and nervous at the same time. Everyone in the family was excited about having a new member, and when she was born, we became a family of four.

My family wasn’t perfect because every family had arguments. My parents used to have a lot of arguments, but they never involved me. Then in 2017, my dad did something we never knew he could do; he cheated on my mom. The reason was because they were having a lot of fights. My mom wanted complete control of everything in the house, which made my dad feel useless. He didn’t feel enough love from my mom, so he did what he did. It was a big impact for me and my mom. I felt betrayed because he lied to us for about four months. They had a relationship, and we never knew about it. I didn’t know how to feel about it, and it was the first time I was in the middle of a fight between them. My mom was crying most of the time, and my dad left home for about two months. I felt alone, and my teachers at school noticed my mood change . I used to be a happy student, but suddenly I became quiet and tired. They asked me, and I never told them , I just said I had little problems at home.

I spent most of that time with my aunt, who became the woman figure I needed at that time. When that happened, I was 9 years old. After that, I started to see my dad differently. Things settled down after about three months, and my life was pretty perfect again. I went to contemporary dance classes, art classes, and gymnastics classes. My grades were good, and I had a lot of friends. But then, again something happened. My dad told us that he was going to live in the US, so he was going to leave us in El Salvador for some time. I was sad because my dad was like my support and my safe place, and I didn’t know how to relate to my mom because we weren’t that close. My dad left El Salvador on December 3, 2017. It was hard for me to adapt to my mom, but after a long time, I finally adapted to her and her way of being. At first, we used to have a lot of arguments because we had different ways of thinking, and sometimes I felt like she wasn’t there for me emotionally. I had to rely on my dad from a distance. After about four years, we were finally okay, we knew each other perfectly and knew how to act with each other.

My dad visited us in 2022, and everything was fine until one day when my mom found my dad’s passport while searching through his things. She discovered that my dad had been in El Salvador a day before he came home to us, and he was with someone else during that time—the same person he cheated on my mom with. My mom was devastated because she trusted him, and I found myself once again caught in the middle of their argument, torn between who to support. It was a nightmare hearing everything my mom’s side of the family said about my dad, and I even argued with them because I didn’t like how they talked about him.

During this time, I struggled emotionally and spent most of my days feeling sad and isolated in my room. My mom often lost control of her emotions and would use them as an excuse to yell at me or my sister. Despite all this, my dad was the only person there for me. Eventually, my parents separated a couple of months later, and I vividly remember the day—it was October 30th, 2021. My mom cried the whole day, and to escape the turmoil, I stayed at my aunt and grandma’s house on my dad’s side for a couple of days.

After that, my dad announced that he was going to come to El Salvador again to pick us up in 2022 to live in the US with him. He tried to be with my mom again, even though they were separated, but it didn’t work out. My mom was sad because my dad wasn’t treating her like his wife, but it was obvious he wouldn’t treat her as his wife because they were separated. My mom told him that, and my dad was tired. I was tired of being in the middle; I had to hear both of them and I had to listen to my mom saying negative things about my dad and she believed I was just like him. It was a very stressful time for me.. After a few days, everything was calm.

But then one day, my dad told my mom something he had been hiding for five years — I had a little brother. That had a big, big impact on my life. I felt betrayed and stupid for trusting my dad for so long. I didn’t know how to feel because the person I trusted the most lied to me for five years. We moved to LA and then to Florida to live with my aunt from my mom’s side. Everything was kind of messed up because they talked bad about my dad, and they were talking bad about me for supporting my dad. I had a really hard time with them, but after a year, everything was fine.

Now, at this time, I am not having problems with my mom about it. I have a pretty good relationship with my little brother, and I regained trust in my dad. It was hard, but I recovered. I visit my dad in LA every break, and things are pretty good now. From my point of view as a daughter who felt the separation of my parents, I know there are some kids who are probably going through the same thing or worse. But my advice as someone who recovered from all those problems is to learn how to let go. Don’t dwell on things passing around you, have your own beliefs about the problem, distract yourself, never hide your emotions, and always talk to your friends and family about how you feel. Eventually, you will say, “I feel good about myself, I feel peace,” and you will be just fine.