The Want to Live

By Katherin   |   From : Maryland, USA  |   School : International High School at Largo

Have you ever felt like you’re alive but dead on the inside? Because I have, ever since I was three, I always wonder what it was like to have a normal life, a normal family. How can she remember what it was like when she was three you might ask? Well, it’s easy when you get abused as a child. Especially when it happened with your own flesh and blood.  “Come here. Let’s play a game,” my uncle said every time he wanted to abuse me. 

I remember taking this drink that he made for me. It tasted like pineapple mixed with coconut. After taking the drink, I used to get really dizzy and just wanted to lay down and sleep. About 10 minutes after taking the drink he would grab me by my hand and take me to the room where it all happened. This happened at least two times a week for about five years. 

Not long after this started happening I was really sad and scared that I decided it was time to talk to someone. When I finally got the courage to do so, I told my grandpa what was happening; he couldn’t really do anything about it because he was really sick and could barely get up and walk. I would never forget his reaction as I told him everything. An alert  look in his dark brown eyes, behind the crockly glasses that sat on his nose . as tears began to fall off his cheeks. “I..I..I’m sorry,” he said then he grabbed my hand and continued to cry as he pulled me closer 

Since that day every time my uncle hurt me  I would just come home and cry to my grandpa about it. He was my safe place. Two months after I told my grandpa, sadly he passed away. From that day on I’ve felt a deep hole in my heart. I’ve felt like the world just fell on top of me. How would you feel if the person whom you love the most, the only person you feel safe with gets taken away from you? DEStroyed; destroyed is how you’ll feel. 

I learned how to defend myself, how to stop things from happening.When I turned 8 years old my mom told me that we were going to come to the United States. “YES!” I said knowing that as soon as we get here I would have a new opportunity and forget about everything that happened in the past.

I’m now 16 years old and I’ve learned  that no matter how hard things get we have to keep on moving forward. Take all the strength that we don’t have and keep them as our own. Since I was a little girl, I’ve always blamed myself but I’ve learned that it is not my fault. It’s none of our fault people choose to behave badly and sadly we pay the consequences. 

To conclude, I want you to know that you are NOT ALONE .Know that   no matter how hard things get you can do it. Everything that happened happens for a reason and let’s use that as a way to help yourself and remember it’s NOT YOUR FAULT.

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