Sorry

While I was growing up in the Dominican Republic, my mom always made sure that my brother and I had everything we possibly needed. Whether that was enough food, new clothes, or a roof over our heads, she provided those essential needs.  Although we couldn’t spend much time with her because she worked tirelessly in a country with a struggling economy, we always received enough love. While it was exhausting to move frequently due to home insecurity and safety concerns, I was too young to comprehend the complexity of our situation. Regardless, having my family around made me happy enough.

Even though it was hard not being able to enjoy activities like my classmates did, I still had distractions: painting was my new voice, dancing showed my spirit, and dreaming became my new world. Despite feeling pangs of envy when I saw other children performing talents or playing sports, what I was the most envious of was seeing the close relationships my peers had with their parents. From these feelings emerged a fascinating desire, something that I was desperate to find explanations from: the human mind. 

It was obvious to me the difference in how my classmates and I interacted with our parents as well as with others. Whereas my classmates could run towards their parents for help or support, I had to learn how to find my own solutions and do it for both my brother and me. These instances of self-sufficiency led me to question, “Was it the insecurity in my environment that made me over-scrutinize everything? How did the difference in our surroundings influence our personalities? What was it that made our minds think differently?” These questions became my personal fixation.

Eventually the day I had to part ways with my mother came when she migrated to the U.S. to seek a better future for us, the struggles to support us and all the sacrifices she made to see us again were evident. And the necessity of being surrounded by inconsistent parental figures, it was interesting to notice the adults’ behavior. It was easy to see the difference in conduct due to their background story. The different types of reaction that can result from the same situation, the different attachment types that can originate, and how those kinds of reactions affect us, their children.

While I may not remember much of the transitions that took place, I clearly remember the day I finally was reunited with her. It was incredible to see how my mom had built a little home for us all by herself. This inspired me in many ways to fight for  a brighter future and to grow as a person. But, more specifically, to help those who were in the same situation of emotional uncertainty as me. At the same  time, the distance between us didn’t seem to shrink as I had hoped. Even after we found a  home and the support of our extended family, my mother and I were practically strangers to one another. This hopelessness magnified  my desire of helping others to understand their own feelings, to create better connections with their loved ones and to have more confidence as they interact with the rest of the world; to have peace within their minds.

Now I feel like my purpose is to seek an answer for all those questions that once came to my mind.  Driven by these experiences, I am committed to studying psychology. I want to explore the impact of the environment on human behavior and relationships, just as I’ve experienced in my own life. Understanding these dynamics can help me support others facing similar challenges and advocate for stronger family connections. Ultimately, I aspire to honor my mother’s sacrifices by dedicating my life to understanding, improving the mental well-being of those around me and showing me to never give up.