Sorry

My life changing story starts September 11, 2017. I was around 8 years old and in the fourth grade. It was the day after hurricane Irma, however the storm was the least of my worries. My life changed in less than 24 hours. September 11, 2017 was the day my dad passed away. I still remember that day like it was yesterday and it is a day I will never forget. Our home was located in deep Naples, surrounded by thick green florida trees. The day of the hurricane we had limited power and no air conditioning. As a result of the lack of air conditioning, my dad decided to sleep inside the car since it would provide cool air and charge all of our devices. We were all supposed to sleep in there but my mom chose not to because it would be uncomfortable and then I decided to follow along, but my dad still decided to stay. When it was time to say go to sleep we all said goodnight without thinking anything of it. The next morning I remember waking up and all I can hear is someone yelling. First I thought that the power came back because to me it sounded like my parents were watching TV. Then when I woke up a little more and could hear more clearly, I could understand that my mom was calling out for my dad. When she went into the Garage she found him unconscious. I walked towards the situation but she told me to not go into the garage and handed me her phone. I tried calling 911, but of course we had no service. Fortunately, my mom ran outside and was able to find a cop with some help from the neighbors. The cops came and looked at the situation while we explained. They managed to open the garage door and revealed to us that this was carbon monoxide poisoning. This was the way I had to learn what it was. We didn’t know how to open the garage door and we had no idea about carbon monoxide. I remember my family members coming to my house, everyone crying and panicking, but trying to distract me from the situation. This one kind cop kept talking to me and even gave me a stuffed animal.

After a while one of my dad’s family friends who I call my uncle took me somewhere with my cousin. It took my mind off of it for the time being. After that I don’t remember much. We had days off of school because of the hurricane and my mom and I moved in with my grandparents. Everyone told me he was in the hospital keeping me hopeful, unfortunately that was a lie that was revealed to me a couple years later once I got older-we lost him the day of the accident, but I always had a feeling deep down inside that he never made it. But during those times where I had hope, I would imagine him getting out, and once I got told that at the hospital he didn’t make it, I broke down, and I would always ask what his last words were since I didn’t get to go. I would dream about him often, dreaming of him still being here or him talking to me. It would feel real and waking up would be upsetting. The first day back to school I got called into the office. While walking to the office, the woman taking me was talking to me telling me how she heard about what happened and saw it on the news. They took me into this little room in the office and there was a lady waiting for me. She introduced herself to me and was from this place called Avow. She explained how she worked with kids who go through the same thing as me. I don’t remember much about our first conversation but she would come to my school often and talk to me one on one and in a meeting with other kids who are dealing with the same issue. We would do activities, talk about our person and several other things. I would look forward to these conversations. I also started to see her out of school, every Thursday, or every other thursday- I can’t really remember but it would be on thursdays. As I grew older I started to realize that I was basically going to therapy but I appreciate it because it helped me out alot as a young child and I just saw it as something to look forward to because I would have fun. We would eat pizza before the meetings,we would also have one on one days and days with everyone involved. They also had someone for my mom to talk to in a separate room. I made new friends and this helped me out in so many ways as a young child. It helped me grow, understand and come to terms with things. The grief I was going through impacted my behavior and emotions. My life managed to change in less than a year. My mom met someone new, which took me a long time to accept, and we had to move here to Lehigh which I also struggled to like the idea of.  But now after 7 years, I have learned, and accepted things. I still have my moments at times and that is okay. It is okay to cry, it is okay to miss him and it is okay to talk about him. Grief is something that doesn’t end, it is a forever thing you learn to live with and at the end of the day, he will always and forever be my papi even if he physically isn’t here.