Sorry

My name is Maria Carla, although everyone calls me Maria. I am 15 years old and left my country Cuba about five years ago. I left Cuba when I was 9 years old and went to live in Mexico. That was the first time I was separated from not just my family but from everything I had known till that moment, which was my narrow street with all my friends running and playing without any worries like the kids we were.

   When I got to Mexico, I was struck with change. Even though this was another Hispanic country, the people and the culture were different. I went to a little private school in Cancun where I was the only foreigner. When I wanted to say that I grabbed something, I was used to saying the word “coger” back in Cuba, but for the people in Mexico, it meant something different, something inappropriate. The other kids always got mad at me and told the teacher, who would understand my situation. But the kids wouldn’t understand; they kept pointing out everything I had that was different from them. Now I know they were only kids like me who were exposed to something different from what they’ve always known.

After almost a year in Mexico, my parents had the opportunity to come to the US. My mom didn’t even think about it and said yes because she knew the sacrifice would pay off for a better life and future for my brother and me, but also for her and my dad. When we got to the US, we lived in my aunt’s house in Miami for some time. I started school not so long after that. Since I lived in Miami, there were a decent amount of Hispanic kids in my school I could talk to in Spanish. My teachers also helped a lot and taught me many things to understand and learn the new language.

When I finished elementary school, it was the first time I moved. It wasn’t so far, only a couple of miles from my aunt’s house. At that moment, I was doing great. I had a group of friends from elementary school in my new middle school, and I was learning the language pretty quickly. Some months after, my dad got a job opportunity in Naples, the other side of Florida. I was sad about leaving my friends behind and hoped I could still have contact with them even though I was moving far.

Naples was a different and smaller city. We lived in an apartment in the south; on that side, there were many Hispanics, and it didn’t take long for me to get to know new people, still missing my old friends. We lived there for almost another year when we moved again, this time to the northern side of Naples, a much nicer place. But for my 12-13-year-old self, this once again meant change… It meant new teachers, new classes, and new friends. I was used to it, but being the new kid was still hard. There I was in a new school once more, with not as many Hispanics this time, which made it the hardest for me to socialize and make new friends. Even though I had already mastered the language, it wasn’t the same. I remember spending the rest of my 7th grade sitting alone at my lunch table and only knowing a few people, and that’s it.

When I got to the 8th grade, I started to open up more to people and made just a few more friends but still felt lonely. Almost 3 years after arriving here and going to my first school, I still had friends from Miami whom I would call and play with almost every day. That was my bit of happiness every afternoon getting a call from them and playing for hours. That made me forget about how lonely I still felt in this school and realize that the only friends I had were just “friends”; they weren’t the type of friends you would tell how you feel and be yourself around. I felt like I wasn’t being me in that school, but I didn’t realize that then.

When I finished middle school and started high school, my life seemed to get better. I truly believed I was finding my place and I was surrounded by people who were like me. I felt great about myself; the school was nice, and my grades were the best. Unfortunately, that didn’t last long because, at the end of the first quarter, my parents decided to buy a house in Cape Coral, a whole new city, a whole different school, and being the new girl once again.

When we moved to Cape Coral, just 3 days after getting a brand new house, hurricane Ian happened. Luckily, we didn’t have it that bad, but I didn’t start school till a month later. When I finally started school in Cape Coral, I felt lonely and lost hope of making friends just like before. But after some time, I kept opening up and started to make many more “friends” in my freshman year. Sadly, those people weren’t my real friends. I felt so great at the start; I was going out every day with them and having fun. I was trying to fit in with them because they were Cubans just like me, but I wasn’t like them. They were adults already and somehow just as immature as I was at the time.

With time, my mom saw how I felt being friends with them and decided that I wasn’t allowed to hang out with them anymore because of how it affected me. After telling them, they started to hang out more with each other, and today we just walked by each other without even waving. However, after my freshman year was over, everything started to work out in my sophomore year. I met fewer people, but they were people I could trust and be myself around without faking a personality to fit around them.

Now, with my sophomore year almost ending, I can say that It’s been my favorite school year ever. It went by so fast, and my grades were way better than last year. Now sitting here and writing this, I can say that I am proud of where I am right now and happy. I am studying and trying hard in school, and I also go out and have tons of fun every other week. And as for my friends in Miami, I still talk to one of them every day who has become my best friend after all these years. With this long-lasting friendship, I learned that when I am myself with someone and not being judged by it means a lot to me; just being my real self made me believe that’s a big part of finding a true friendship.

If there were someone with the situation of feeling out of place wherever they are without any hopes of finding somewhere where they will fit in just like I did, I would tell them that everything works out and that everyone has a place of their own; they just need to find the right path first. Do not change yourself to fit other people’s personalities or likings; be you, and if those people leave your side, then that’s proof that you are not on the right path just yet!