Sorry

The subject about fatherhood is something that’s a very sensitive topic to me. All my life me and my siblings haven’t had the greatest fathers with them either being druggies, alcoholics, cheaters, or even neglect. I will say that I’m glad he was there, but my father wasn’t what I was expecting ever since I was a toddler that he would often leave for days and not come back till Monday or even to about Friday. Cheated on my mother when she was pregnant with me and refused to help my mother with his own child, having to be rejected by my own grandpa, having to be put down telling me my dreams were bullshit, threatening me while yanking my hair, to go out of his for my older sister while she does nothing to provide for herself. He didn’t like the fact that i don’t want him to be my father we argued face to face when he couldn’t leave me alone while pestering me to talk and say “ I love you”, i told him how i felt and how he hasn’t  really been there for me, i told him with these exact words, “ You refuse to look at your own child, your creation of god and love yet you treat me with disrespect and neglect. You can’t even talk to me you can’t say your wrong for the deeds that you’ve done. You think by being older is you keeping having all this power while i listen because you are never wrong! You can’t even see me struggling or needing a role model when i needed you the most. You didn’t even know i was harassed! Three times it happen but what were you gonna do? Go with a different woman when you own child was crying for help, but if i did cry i would get hit for showing my emotions. You are not meant to be called father and neither a good man. My mother left you because you are a hypocritical narcissistic jerk with no potential.” when i gave him that speech about how i felt he laughed in my face and said to me, “ You’re not smart, you’re not grown you are just brainwashed by that bitch of a mother. You have animals controlling you, i wish i could choke that woman who brainwashed you! I’ll kick your brothers ass as well because i love you.” I was filled with rage that caused me to slam my door and wanted to go home i called my mother about what happen and she herself was very angry. so was my brother. My mother told me she’ll put me in her taxes and get him for child support. But when that happen i sat down and talked to myself for a long while. I told myself, “ I don’t need a toxic parent within my life, i have my mom, brother, my sister, and myself. I don’t need that at all. I can do what’s best for me! I have so much love from other people.” till this day it affects me about how he said such words to me and still working about the whole court thing. But i want people like me to understand that  you have love and family in places that you probably don’t even know about. That you are gonna get through that dark tunnel and make it to that light of hope no matter hard it will get, because you are gonna make it even without family or with, so just keep moving forward you got this power.