Sorry

Hi ! (first step for greetings, done ) I’m Marwan, a 16 year-old French student. To be honest I have nothing special to say except a couple of things, so I am going to write them because if I don’t, writing this would make no sense.

So first, I am gay, and being gay in France is… not something easy, especially where I’m studying because people, where I am, are NOT open-minded… Like really not, some of the people with whom I am in class asked me if sometimes, I liked dressing as a woman, putting on dresses, make-up and all those things. Someone even asked me if I was taking children to rape them because you know….I am gay (it seems like it make sense… ). But hey, not everyone is like this, there are people who actually understand that being gay does not transform me into a monster.

I did have some problems with my family too. My father is a muslim, and you know, because of his religion, he would not accept the fact that I should be gay,but actually it is not a problem since I’m going to move to the second part of my problems.

My father is… in prison. When I was 14,  my father tried to kill my mother, my brother and me. Our family situation was bad. My father and my mother were in a constant fighting. My father was still “ in love “  with my mother, but ever since he started to hit my brother and me with a belt, or anything within hand reach, my mother started to think about a divorce, and my father was like “ No way I still love you “ and my mother was like “ Nope Nope Nope ! “.

She started to see someone else before the divorce and my father busted her, since he understood the fact that, I hated him and I understood the feeling of my mother when she saw someone else, I found stupid the fact that she didn’t wait for the divorce to see the man that she was having an affair with. And so, one day, the new “ husband “ of my mother invited my brother, mother and me to the restaurant but then….We found my father in the street… It was an awkward moment. My father was standing front of my mother’s beloved chosen one.

They both started to argue and, after something like 5 minutes, my father went away, we were….Relieved

But then… When my mother, her “ husband “, my brother and me were in the restaurant, ordering things… My father came…. He was wearing sun-glasses, a hat…And a knife in the hand… It was like… everything had been done in a couple of seconds… He stabbed my mother in the throat… How….. I wasn’t thinking anymore, the “ husband “ took my mother in “ security “ (…..) and my brother and me jumped on my father, my brother and I missed our target, I was only able to stabilize one of his leg, we took 2 tables that we threw on my father and my brother was hitting my father with a chair…. Nonsense… It was like he wasn’t feeling anything, everything we were doing got no effect but to restrain his movement.

After a moment, I was able to go outside of the restaurant with my brother, my mother near me, and she was bleeding…. I’ve saw her, the throat opened, letting go of so much blood… My brother was holding a knife towards my father who was still in the restaurant in case he would approach…

And after a while, a dozen of people came to help us to contain this monster, my brother and I started to run in different directions to get help, bandages or whatever, to stop the bleed, I was running like a dog, who was running for his life.

I’ve gone to a house where I could find help, a friend opened the door and  saw me, stained with blood on me, I started to shout something like “ for fuck sake please give me bandages, my father tried to kill us please !!!! give me something !!!!”, the mother of my friend came and she told me to calm down…. How do you want me to calm down when my mother is dying…. After a moment of tears and heavy breathing, they gave me bandages and pills (I don’t know why pills…. Not like my mother could take them but whatever ) and I started to run back to the restaurant. When I was reaching the restaurant, they was already a medical team who was “ healing “ ( they were at least trying to stop the bleeding ) her, I was…. Completely destroyed, my father was still in the restaurant, me next to my mother,  she was crying and looking at me like a puppy. I was completely useless… With my bandages in my arms, I started to cry, and it was the only thing that I was able to do, crying, and crying, and crying…. Nothing more…. After this, the medical team took my mother in a hospital, and me, I was next to her “husband”…. I was looking at him with a hateful stare, I still don’t know why but I think that I NEEDED to hate someone at this moment.

After a big moment of silence, me hating this man, I’ve gone to the house of my friend. Once again, they opened the door and I was sitting on their couch, they didn’t even ask me for anything, they took out my T-shirt full of blood, my pants and then I slept…

Damn guys, sorry for this, I feel like I needed to write this, well now you know my story…Eh….

I’m fine now…. Hope you don’t go through the same problems, see ya maybe, in another letter.