Sorry

GRANDMA!

Since she was gone, I have had to face the most significant challenge.

I have been struggling through everything: the school days, on the basketball teams: hearing and deaf school, had a home life, and relationships with others.

I always wish she stayed alive with me for one last chance.

In junior year of high school 2015-2016, my whole life changed – everything.

I had troubles in school; I didn’t even focus on my schoolwork and didn’t complete my homework, had struggles with my relationships with others, and had more depression.

(My uncle died on December 5, 2015. That year was difficult for me, but my grandma’s death impacted me more. The sadness overlapped.)

It was hard for me to focus on my life.

But, I always thought about them every day.

Grandma means the world to me! 

I will never forget her last words before she was gone:

“My granddaughter Ivy, please be a good girl in the family and be a good student in school. Get your good grades and go to college. I’ll be proud of you when you graduate high school.” 

Her words influence me; I’ll do these things for my grandma. I want to make her proud of me.

I am so much better in school now; my family and friends supported me when I needed them.

I am thankful to them for being there for me and keeping track of me.

Accepting my grandma’s passing was a huge challenge.

It had a significant impact on my life, but I had learned about myself in the process of being better and positive for my grandma.

I will graduate college in May 2021; unfortunately my grandma will not be there in body, but she will be there in spirit.

SO PLEASE! HOLD ONTO TO THE ONES YOU LOVE AND CARE BECAUSE YOU WILL NEVER NEVER KNOW WHEN THEY MAY BE GONE. 

I LOVE YOU, GRANDMA, I WISH THERE IS ONE LAST CHANCE, ONE LAST TIME THAT I COULD BE WITH YOU.

I started thinking about her because my room reminded me of her. I visualized and saw her in my mind; she has white short puffy and curly hair, an older woman, and she wore her favorite outfit of the day.

She was an amazing and loving woman.

My family and I were so lucky to have her in our life.

She always taught my family and me to be kind to everyone.

She worked hard in everything we do.

She helped us learn to love our siblings instead of fighting each other.

She always made sure we were not hungry or cold.

We are a happy family, and pleasured our lives because of all the love she gave to raise us.

Now we know she’s now in heaven with my grandpa and my uncle. 

On April 23, 2016, I got agitated when I received bad news from my mom while I ate my lunch.

Afterward, I went to my room and lay down on my bed.

I was shocked, hurt, and cried at the moment.

My feelings developed, became furious and heated.

I regretted it. I felt guilty. I ignored them. I was an outgoing person at the time. I chose the wrong choices.

Which leads me to betrayal myself. I lost myself. I am down. I am heartbroken. I am in pain.

I always carry my shoulder every day since someone is gone. I lost someone important to me.