Sorry

My story isn’t anything similar to that of my peers who have unfortunately suffered a lot of traumatic experiences growing up or getting here to the United States. I’m 17 years old and I was born here in Florida with my first language being Spanish thanks to my Cuban parents. When I first started school it was very awkward for me, I felt really out of place since in Cape Coral it was predominantly english speaking residents and I only knew spanish. I remember hating it so much I would grab a chair and sit in the back of the class away from the rest of the kids, however I learned English very quickly and as time went on I became more indoctrinated (I guess) and actually grew quite fond of my peers and my teacher. I stayed in this school all the way until 5th grade. In the process of getting to 5th grade my school had gotten a ton of hispanic students so it turned out being hispanic wasn’t so bad after all. That was until my mom gave me the news one day that I would be going to a different middle school and now this school was actually predominantly white, so it was the same thing all over again where I felt out of place and since we were a bit older you know everyone is more judgemental, I experienced a little racism but that wasn’t really the main issue, the biggest insecurity I developed here was being called skinny. People would do that stupid thing where they wrapped their fingers around my wrist, till this day that is the thing that bothered me the most. Because of that I still experience body dysmorphia, so my freshman year I started lifting weights and became interested in martial arts because I saw it as my way out from this dilemma. But little did I know that it would lead me down a rabbit hole. Sophomore year I switched to mariner to do wrestling after becoming interested in it freshman year and it was a great experience but truly I did not find what I had been looking for. My junior year I started this sport called powerlifting where its essentially just strength training at first it was just grinding and getting the technique down and after a few months it had become my greatest addiction, seeing myself get bigger and stronger it was a feeling like no other, now i’m a senior and still powerlifting, currently top 200 in the nation. Still not satisfied, I don’t think anything from this world can fill this void I have within .