Sorry

 I’ll be writing about a time that feels like forever ago but was actually only a year ago.It was my junior year and the year started like any school year finding my classes, getting to know my teachers and making friends. It’s just second nature at this rate and I didn’t have any issues with it at first at least. But I wouldn’t be writing about it if it wasn’t interesting. It was around quarter 2 that things started to go down hill cause I got a job and it wasn’t bad at first. It then started to snowball pretty quickly. The first big thing was I was scheduled everyday but Wednesdays and Thursdays and the only reason was because of school events like best buddies and peer mentoring and other school events. I went into junior year with the idea of I’m going to be more involved in school and really show the school spirit:news flash,it wasn’t the best idea.

        I was soon very overwhelmed with things cause I didn’t have time to myself anymore and was very stressed out. By quarter 3 I was getting used to it and it wasn’t as bad but then I started to cut my friends off and not talk to them anymore. I didn’t go out anymore either and I wasn’t having fun with anything. All my hobbies I really enjoyed were just really boring and I didn’t like them anymore so my only way of getting away from my problems was gone and this is when I truly broke. I was very lost and stressed all the time and even worse I had to deal with other people’s problems before mine cause I was the only person my friends could talk to and help them. It didn’t help that I was very neglective to myself and wouldn’t take care of myself both physically and mentally. I did this cause I simply didn’t think my problems were as bad as others and I was not as important as other people this was when I fully realized I needed something to help me to deal with all the stress and I thought I found it when I started dating this girl she was super nice and caring and I felt comfortable around her very often she helped me alot and it was nice for a time but you can’t have nice things forever cause around the time I had got into a car accident and couldn’t use my car for months and that was when things just plummeted for me cause my girlfriend left me soon after. She just used me for my money and car and finding that out really did hurt and I went into a deep depression and that’s when my grades dropped to almost all F’s and I wasn’t paying attention to my work anymore or to class. It even affected my work cause I stopped working as hard or really caring at work. We also had a change of management and I didn’t really like them cause they were overly strict about everything. 

       It didn’t help that even when I went home I had problems there because my parents would fight and argue all the time. My mom even moved out because of it. This just made me not want to be home even more but I had nowhere else I could go so I had to deal with it and break up the fights so that it wouldn’t get too bad. This was the lowest point of my story cause I genuinely didn’t like anything or even my life I hated everything and everyone I isolated myself from everything. It got to the point of even considering taking my life at a point but I still put on a smile around people to seem like I was doing ok and was happy with things going on in life. When in reality I was depressed and didn’t know what to do with life and it got to the point where I couldn’t deal with it anymore I even wrote a suicide letter. I was on the verge of killing myself and was not very well. I was gaining weight and just not physically healthy. In the end I couldn’t bring myself to do it and it made me feel worse but I decided to try bettering myself and started to not be as involved in my clubs and work I would take more time off and just focused on myself and started to think less about killing myself. I eventually lost the weight I gained and was mentally doing better. Near the end of junior year I got a new job and that helped cause I wasn’t working all the time and my clubs didn’t need me as involved cause they were ending so I could take breaks more often meaning I had time to hangout with my friends and do things I enjoyed. I even got my car back and was able to use it again and I was genuinely happy to go out and just have fun. I even started dating someone and we’re still together so that’s good and it makes me happy to know that I have people in my life that actually care about me and are willing to drop everything  to help me.