Sorry

My name is Angelica, I was born in Cuba, I’m 17 years old and this is my story.

I remember that I always wanted to go out of my country. Since I was a little girl I dreamed of going to Disney and having the toys and cute things that the other girls had. And while growing up the dream was getting bigger, every time there were more goals. Every year I had to saw the people around me leaving me to have a better life and I remember I used to say “When is my turn?” but at the same time I was scared, cause the simple idea of leaving everything behind was terrifying. The years went so fast and I was 13 when my dad told me one day “I’m going to Uruguay” and then in less than a month he wasn’t with me anymore, and even if we weren’t so close, that was hard for me, cause I loved him so much and I’ve always waited to see him at least once a month.

 Since I was a child I lived with my brother, he has been my biggest support, he was always there for me, even when we weren’t in the better moments we always were there for each other. But when I was 15 years old the Military came home looking for him, they said that he had to go, and I always knew that was gonna happen someday. But I was not prepared to not be with my brother, with my partner of life, the person that has always been with me. What was I gonna do now? Who am I supposed to tell when something happens to me now? I remember I felt lost. It was a very hard time for my family, cause we weren’t allowed to see him for like 3 months. No calls, no anything. The situation was like that for a long time, then I used to see my brother twice a month, but it wasn’t the same, he was tired and we didn’t have time to do the things we used to do. The nights watching series until we fell asleep.

When I was 16 my mom told me we should do our passports and I thought it was just that. I had the best 2 months of my life, it was summer, I was with my friends, my family and most important with my brother. Then my stepfather said to me suddenly one day “We have the tickets for monday”, it was on a friday, I didn’t know what to do, I didn’t know how to tell my friends, I knew it was for a good, but how I’m I supposed to leave everything so fast? I didn’t have time to think about that too much. Cause when I noticed I was on a plane, crying while looking at  my country from above. And I knew it was gonna be hard. I just knew it.

The journey wasn’t easy, we went through a lot of places, a lot of danger, and a lot of fear. My only comfort was thinking that maybe one day I would be able to go back to my country, as a better person, with a future and a better life. I had to stay at my uncle’s house for 6 months. It was hard because I wasn’t able to go out or see anybody, I felt regretful all that time. I remember I used to think “ Why I’m I here? Why did I leave my place to live like this?” . Hopefully that mindset changed when me and my family finally moved to an apartment, and we got a car, I felt like we were going somewhere.

I slowly started to learn English at school. It was hard at first, but every time I was improving my writing and listening. I was having better grades, I was even able to help my classmates with the homework. I felt like finally I was able to communicate with the people around me, and be myself with them. I’ve made a lot of friends but never forgot the ones that I’ve left behind.

Apparently everything’s going fine but I don’t feel completely good. I keep thinking about how my life could be at this moment if I have never left my country. I feel like my body is here, but I left my soul in Cuba on November 7 ,2022. Even if I have accepted that now I belong here, I miss walking around my town, I miss how I could go anywhere without worrying if something it’s gonna happen to me. I miss the liberty, my people, all the places I’ve been in come to my mind every time. But life keeps going, and I have to live in the present, not in the past. 

So I try to give the best of myself at work, at home, and at home with my family. That way someday I will have all that I’ve wished for, and I will be able to give my mom the things that she never had. 

I think my story could be interesting to teenagers that just like me had to go through the journey of immigration. If I could give them advice, I would tell them to be strong and always try to not give up. That even if you have a difficult situation, never take the easy way out, cause that always put you in bad positions and can have horrible consequences.