Sorry

My life wasn’t aways easy… my mom had me at very young age and my parents didn’t love eachother, i was an “accident”. They had a complicated divorce when i was 4, but later on my mom found another men, he was good to me at first, then later on he started to be abusive towards my mom and i was always involved in all that, it was very hard because they used to split and get back together all the time. Then 2018 came, I was 10 and my family had a huge fight that my mom stoped talking to everyone, and she included me in that, i stopped spending all week in my grandma, and i was staying alone at my house, then my mom’s husband started to act weird towards me, i was confused. I’ve told my mom that what he was doing was weird and she said that it wasn’t on purpose. Then i was going through a very depressed time where i’ve tried to commite suicide 3 times. I didn’t tell my parents until now. At 11 i realized that he was abusing me, phisically and mentally. Then i spoke up and my dad and grampa helped me leave that house, and then i started to live here. Adapting to another country, another culture, it’s not easy. I suffered bullying in middle school because of my accent and then covid hit, things got better and then on may 2021 my grandfather and uncle passed away, and i’ve never lost anyone my entire life, it is really hard to deal with the grief. 

And of course i had great times in my life, i’ve always loved to live with my grandma in brasil, 

But even now, it’s really hard for me to think of the good times, because i dont really feel like i’ve ever got time to rest, it’s always some kind of a really hard time that i have to go through, and it hurts. It doesn’t stop hurting. But i always keep going, always trying to get better, be better. 

And one thing i’ve learned from all that pass is that i have to stand up for me, speak up and be strong, and never stop, even if i want so badly to stop everything i can’t, i have to bee good and kind with myself.