Sorry

There’s No Purpose!

When I arrived in NYC, I knew that there was no way back. I saw my family waiting for me, and in that moment I was happy. When I saw this country I said,” Oh my God, what am I doing here? I expected something different. I expected tall buildings, fancy houses. When I heard the country United States of America, I thought of the best country in the whole world. I expected to see stores everywhere. I can’t compare Spain and this country because in Spain, people can have relaxed times, and have their own time. The kind of life that people have here is totally different than Spain. Here people just live to work, and sometimes they don’t have time for their families. From the beginning, I knew that it was going to be hard to adapt in this country. Everything was different. Here they eat a lot of fast food, and that’s not my style. In Spain, I ate healthy food like salads, and even the food in the school had more variety. People are different here. They think that because you are here, you are coming to do something bad. My parents got jobs, and, in a way, I was pissed off, I knew that it would be hard go back to my native country. After a year I wanted to go back. That was my wish. Some students didn’t accept me because I didn’t speak their languages. They also thought because you have origins in South America, and you weren’t born here, you are apart, and they leave you alone. Every single day I told my parents, ” Please do it for me. Lets go back to Spain. I don’t want to be here anymore.”

I would do anything just to go back to Spain.

I didn’t eat for whole days. At that moment I didn’t think of anything else in the world. I didn’t think it could hurt me and I didn’t think I was starving, even though I wasn’t eating. My parents thought that I was doing that to get something, and they didn’t think about my desperate feelings. I didn’t realize that I was hurting myself, and also hurting my mom. Each time that I saw my mom, my soul was broken. When I got a stomach virus, I finally saw that I was hurting myself. At that moment, I felt like I was dying. The symptoms were terrible. I had fever, fatigue and all the time I was vomiting. My parents decided to bring me to the hospital when I fainted. I was there for a whole day in the hospital taking medicine and seeing doctors and nurses go in and out of my room.

This was when I started to see that I can’t play with my life.

I felt like a bad daughter, but inside of me I felt sorry. My parents had a conversation with me, and they asked me, ” What’s the purpose of all this?”

I was like, “What purpose, the thing is that I don’t like this place, and I don’t like this life. You don’t understand my feelings.”

My parents told me, “If we are here, it is because we have a purpose, but our goals are for you, not for us. We already did what we had to do, and right now we are looking for your future.”

I got really mad and I said, ” What future? You call this a future in a place where I am unhappy?” At that moment I was sad and I thought they didn’t think about my feelings. They believed because we were in the U.S.A., we had everything. They didn’t think about the things that I left behind in my own country.

They thought that it was easy to rebuild a life in a new country. Like NO!