Sorry

I am in part from Pakistan because I was born there and I were raised there for the beginning part of my life. But at the same time, I was only 11 days. And my dad came to the USA and I started hearing America, America, America, and I keep on hearing that this country has everything. Now, I am divided in two parts.

It was not a choice for all of us to come here – My mom was seriously sick. She had holes in her heart. She had to go to another country to get good treatment. My dad was here for 10 years. He was young when he came here. So when my mom’s health got seriously bad and she could not get treatment in Pakistan, we all had to come. We had to get visas. It took a long time and before she could come here, she passed away. She passed away two days before leaving for America.

It was weird for me to come here. We thought we were coming to America because of my mom. When she passed away, when she was not coming with us anymore, it was weird.

After my mom passed away, everything changed. I started taking care of the family… Doing the laundry, cooking at home, buying grocery… Everything…. While doing my homework… While ironing clothes and providing everything my family needed while going to school. Having so. Much responsibilities.

Now, my dad says, it is the age when I am supposed to get married. But I don’t know, because my dream is to go to college.  I am scared if am going to graduate or not. Sometimes I think I cannot do it with all the work that piles up. And as I keep on thinking and thinking it brings more work and anxiety.  But my plan is to graduate so I can tell my dad I am too busy to get married.

Also… I am a Muslim girl and I never judge.

I am not judging, what you are wearing. I’m okay with whatever people wear.  I cannot force anyone to do anything. Me, I’m covering my body. If I go outside, boys cannot see me. Boys cannot be attracted to me. That’s why we do this in my religion. In my country I did not take the scarf.  In this country, I choose it because when I stand with other girls, I don’t feel any difference between them. No one can judge me when I wear the scarf. When I go sit in the bus, I feel safe and boys are careful. They say we are not touching her. We are not going to do anything. They don’t talk bad to me. They don’t touch me. They don’t disrespect me because they know that I am taking the scarf and I am a Muslim girl.