Sorry

Losing a person who you created memories with isn’t easy. I thought the sadness that followed death was just something I had to push through to get to the other side. I’m learning that there is no other side, there is no pushing through, but rather, there is acceptance. Grief is not something you complete, but rather you endure. Grief is not a task to finish and move on, but an element of yourself, and alteration of you being, a new way of seeing a new definition of self. 

July 24, 2021 it was my mom’s 39th birthday. We were going to the beach the morning of. My sister and I had a small present waiting for my mom. We got her a casket with a 1800 tequila bottle, as well as a candle and a cute teddy bear. Around 3:30am we were on our way to the Potomac river. We waited around half an hour in order to get inside the state park. My family brought meat to cook on the grill and drinks to enjoy as a family. All my cousins were having a blast inside the river playing with the floaties and just having an amazing time. While we were packing up our things getting ready to leave, we surprised my mom with a birthday cake and sang the birthday song. She was so excited and happy to see that she was spending her birthday with the people she loves: her family.

On july 25, 2021 it was my grandma’s 61th birthday. We didn’t do much but the smallest thought counts. My grandma did not expect a birthday surprise at all, we hired what we call Taqueros. The family had such a great time, at that time it was around 11:30pm. My two cousins Valina and Catalina had a sleepover at my grandma’s house that same day with my two siblings Annette and Aiden. They were having a blast playing music and dancing. I decided to go home along with my mom and stepdad. 

The next morning on July 26, 2021 we went to my grandmother’s house to eat breakfast as a family. My siblings and cousins were there, and I realized my sister didn’t look too well. My mother and I asked her, “are you feeling ok?” She said, “No, my head hurts and I feel very hot.” We checked her blood pressure as well as her temperature, it was pretty high. When we finished eating we decided to go home, except for my little brother who wanted to stay at my grandma’s house an extra day with my cousins. On our way home my parents passed to CVS to buy what we call Suero. 

July 27, 2021 around 4:30am my sister told my mom ¨Mom I want to throw up but I feel dizzy.” My mother replied “ok amor go to the bathroom i’ll take you.” While my mom was getting up my sister was walking towards the bathroom. She fainted in front of the door. My mother tried to catch her so she wouldn’t have hit the ground. As I heard a loud bang on the floor I immediately woke up. As I opened the door I saw my sister on the ground, and immediately grabbed my phone and called 911. The Ambulance, paramedics, and the cops arrived at my house and checked her and said “we have to take her to the hospital”. When we arrived at the hospital I went up to a lady at the front desk and told her “my sister was sent to the emergency room, can you tell me what room she is in? When my sister arrived at the hospital they only permitted my step dad to go in along with my mom. Since I was a minor I was not permitted inside the room. 

Half an hour passed by and the doctors came out and got our information. I constantly kept asking “is my sister ok? No response was said. My heart was beating rapidly and wouldn’t slow down. Walking through those doors and seeing my mom at a corner waiting for me, they took me to a room and sat me down. My mom kneeled down and hugged me, the doctors said “i’m sorry honey your sister could make it”. As soon as I heard those words I screamed to the top of my lungs. I asked “can i see my sister please! The doctors took me to the room where she was at and told me “ok honey you will see her with tubes in her mouth so don’t be scared”. When I saw her I ran towards her and told her “Come on baby, let’s go home wake up! I prayed for a miracle to happen and just hear my sister say that she is ok. 

Life is still very difficult and has been a struggle for me, but everyday I try to keep myself on my feet. Ever since the whole trauma I have been closer to church and have been praying. Writing my feelings down and talking to her makes me feel like she is with me all the time, and guiding me to a better path. She will forever be MY GUARDIAN ANGEL.