Sorry

In life, we are expected to be full of life and joy but many disregard the emotion of sadness. While growing up we are told that we shouldn’t let that emotion affect us so we suppress the feeling without actually facing it. No one likes to touch the subject so it tends to build over time. When we avoid our emotions we expect them to just eventually vanish. As time progresses all the emotions begin to surface and hit you all at once. This will affect you physically and mentally which will alter how you are and how you see yourself.
I had faced an unusual challenge. Life had shifted from one perspective to the next just at the age of twelve. Now looking back I’ve changed drastically from who I am now to who I was before. I don’t remember that little girl anymore. I was always talkative and friendly. That year was my year but not the way you are thinking about it.I loved my classes and friends but not for long. They began to be distasteful and cruel towards me. In school, there were whispers and rumors about me that I knew weren’t true so I didn’t let them get the best of me. Until posts and comments stating brutal things such as “Why are you still here?” “You should kill yourself”.I thought things would die down but it just became worse when I felt unsafe at school. I was constantly put down mentally and physically.
During the time that situation began I tried my best to stay positive and keep it to myself. I was afraid to seek help but if I did it could’ve changed everything. I began to sleep my problems away and suppress my feelings but my situation began to fill out. I would constantly repeat and overthink everything that was said to me that at one point it all became true to me. Those who have bullied me turned me into my own bully without realizing it. The best thing to keep you going is

self-love which was ripped away from me at such a young age I still struggle to have it to this day. That little girl who was once filled with life slowly but surely lost her smile. It got to a point where I couldn’t escape my thoughts that I conceded to killing myself. Which had brought me to one of my lowest points.
Throughout my four years of high school, I believed multiple times that my depression was finally gone. Sadly, the truth is once it’s there it will always come back but I won’t let it consume me. It became a part of me but it’s not who I am. I always thought you needed others to be happy but that’s not the case. The realization came over time with patience and learning. Over the summer I took the time to understand everything and finally come to terms with finding my true self and not what others thought of me. Happiness is found within yourself and no one can ever give you what you want or need in life.You are the key to your own happiness.
I constantly tell myself that one word which is “persevere”.From my experience I realized I am worth it as well as life. I will overcome any obstacles and not let any wave of sadness or “darkness” make me go back to that “dark” place. To keep moving on I’ll have to face challenges head-on.This will be a lesson that I’ll be forever thankful for even if I have to face more challenges. I’ve grown as a person and so has my mindset. Instead of shutting down and avoiding problems, face the source and learn from it. It will take time but at the end of the day, I promise you it will be worth everything.