Sorry

I was born in Venezuela but we moved to Panama when I was very young. I was very happy to leave Venezuela because I was going to be with my brother and my mother. For a long time my mother worked as a maid, at the beginning of 2022 my mother left her job because the lady was very despotic and abusive. I remember my mother was very worried because there were not only 4 of us but 6 of us and when she resigned automatically we had to move because the house where we lived belonged to her boss, we managed to find an apartment and my mother started working as a nurse, which is her profession, I remember that there I felt good my family was always united and happy,  until July 20 when my mother told us we were going to the United States.

At first, I thought it was a lie, but that same day my mother bought the tickets for the bus that took us to the border with Costa Rica. When my mother arrived with the tickets, I told her to leave me in Panama with a family member because I didn’t want to start from scratch. I was very afraid, my mother told me that I was her only daughter and that I should go with her. Anyway, I knew she wouldn’t leave me, so the journey began.

I remember arriving to Costa Rica and I was very sad. I wanted to go back to Panama but my brothers, cousins, and uncles were very happy. We were a group of 12 people, my family, and my uncle’s family. In Costa Rica, we took 2 buses that took us to a field full of oranges that we had to cross. Mikeiny, my sister, had a knee operation and instead of taking us 3 hours,  it took us about 7 hours to cross the orange field to get to a swamp and there they took us by boat to  Nicaragua,

In Nicaragua, my mother paid a lady who called herself Reina. She took us to the border with Honduras and by that time I had a sprained ankle for the long hours we walked to get to the border.  My mother paid for a room there because we had to wait for a permit to be able to pass through Honduras, this had been the best country I had ever crossed,  the next day they gave us the permits and I think it took us about 2 days to get to the border with Guatemala, Once on the border between Honduras and Guatemala, my mother paid a man named Toro, the man told us that to make everything easier, the men should go to the mountains, the women, the girls, and my stepfather should go by car. I felt very scared for my brother. Mr. Toro took us to a hotel, where he gave us food and we waited 5 hours to leave there for another hotel, and in that hotel we were together. I felt more relieved.

He told us we would go out at night. We went out at night and we  were separated by  families. Because we were 12 we couldn’t fit in only one car so we took two cars. I remember the man driving one of the cars was smoking marijuana. I was very scared, that day we couldn’t go out because the police started chasing us, but early in the morning they took us to a shed, in that place there was a bus and there were many emigrants, so they organized us this way,  all the men in the back of the bus on the floor and the women in front but in the same way on the floor, because we were not allowed to sit in the seats.  I will never forget that day, my ankle was hurting and my mom was far away from me. So  Mikeiny gave some pills that soothed the pain, but the cold of the iron on the ground was unbearable. The bus trip lasted about 9 hours until we reached a point on the Mexican border. We were all tired and wanted to sleep, we arrived in Tapachula,  Mexico, and from there, my mother was afraid to move because her friends had told her that girls could be  raped there were 3 of us, Mikeiny, Eve, my cousin  and me

My mom as always was taking care of us, so she rented a house and we stayed there for about 5 days, then my stepfather and uncle said it was time to move on, so we left but since we didn’t have permission, the police sent us back and took us to the place where the permits are given to families. So we had to explain that my family is made up by my mother, my stepfather, my younger sister, my step-sister, and me  Unfortunately my big brother didn’t get the permit with us because at that time he was too old to belong to our family, and his permit would take longer than ours, he decided to go with two other men to San Antonio by themselves,  Meanwhile, we were able to get the permits to transit through Mexico, We found my brother in San Antonio waiting for us from there we went to Mexico City and later we traveled to Monterrey where my mother was robbed and left her with no money, but my mother as always saved us from this situation. She was able to contact a friend in Panama who lent her about 12 to  14 thousand dollars. With this money, we were able to pay for another “coyote” who would help us to cross the river.  We stayed one day in Monterrey and that night we went to “Piedras Negras”.  My mother, my stepfather, Mikeiny, Meixon, my little brother and I got lost, we were walking without a signal for half an hour until they found us later that day, then we walked for one more hour to get to the river, those who were going to cross us said that we had to wait until tomorrow morning.  We were the last people to cross and it was very difficult because a swamp boat arrived with the Mexican police, and we had to hide from them.

Somehow the cartridge where our important papers were going was carried away by the current of the river. My stepfather saw what was happening and he swam under the boat to recover the cartridge. It was a scary moment seeing him fighting with the current but he finally recovered it.  Then he helped my little brother, my cousin, and me to get to shore with the help of the coyote. He went back for my mom and Mikeiny but unfortunately my mom, my step dad, and my step sister Mikeiny. who by this time wasn’t able to move quickly enough because of her knee operation, were not going to make it. My mom told us to carry on without them. She had made us promise to do so in case something unexpected happened. Leaving them on the river with nothing I could do to help them was the saddest moment I have ever experienced in my whole life. I didn’t know what was going to happen to the 3 of them.  I had to be brave for my little brother and the rest of my family.  I prayed for a miracle and miraculously the Mexican police from the swamp boat saved them and took them to shore . We could reunite again as a family and managed to pass through immigration.

The next day we took a flight to Fort Lauderdale, where my other aunt went to pick us up. It was a real torment, I had a different perspective when I arrived here. We stayed at my aunt’s house here in Cape Coral but she didn’t make our lives easy. She was  always telling my mother, my stepfather, and my uncles to look for work, even though she knew it was difficult to find one. My mother was very upset when she saw my aunt’s attitude, So she asked an unknown lady for help. This person helped us register for the school,  It wasn’t easy for me to adapt because I come from a place where everything was ours, we didn’t depend on anyone and we had economic stability so the truth is that it was not easy for anyone,  I started school as soon as I arrived , I felt very scared, I did not like this school at the beginning , I wanted to return to Panama, I was frustrated not knowing English, I remember that I did not know anyone, my cousin had a group of friends but my intuition told me that they were not real  friends,  only acquaintances

After 2 months living  with my aunt , my mother found us a house,   I thought living by ourselves  things would change  but  my stepfather was not the same person as he was in Panama ,He was influenced by our  macho family  relatives,  he stopped being my father, because he treated us very badly , he was very rude to everyone and he was always telling my mom not to respect people for the simple fact of having a different opinion, I feel that I was almost always their subject of  discussion, that affected me emotionally because I really  loved him as a father.

Time passed and my 15th birthday arrived and honestly, I didn’t expect any presents because our economic situation was not as good as we wished. But my lovely mom surprised me. She made my day so special, first, we went to church to be introduced to God. Then she took us to a nice restaurant and finally she hired a professional photographer who took wonderful photos of the beautiful birthday dress that my mom bought for me.

After all this time I am still missing the beautiful moments we lived together as a family in Panama, although the relationship with my stepfather is not as good as it should be. I hope that one day we will go back  to be the united family that  we  were once.  He loves my mom and seeing my mom happy is all that matters for me.

I decided to focus on school and little by little I am getting used to this country, just letting everything flow and letting nothing influence me.